||Main >> Article ID 8515
| Which Christina are You?||Type: Magazine Article|
|Which Christina are You?||Dec 2003|
|by Tom Gormer|
|We all want to be like Miss Aguilera, don't we? But which of her multiple Madonna-style personas do you most resemble? Do our quiz and find out! Or don't bother.|
You are walking through the streets of Soho--either in London or New York--and you find a genie. It's in a bottle. And rubbing it the right way, do you:
(a) Keep rubbing the lamp in a sugegstive way and tell the genie you need rough sex down a back alley, and hey, he doesn't need to pay.
(b) Take it home, wrap it up ready to give to your Nan on Christmas.
(c) Smash it against a wall
(d) Start a block party, roll out the lino and challenge the genie to a battle. This is your 'hood!
(e) Snog Madonna.
You are watching Coronation Street. Two boys are kissing. They're using tongues and everything. Your mum and dad turn the TV off in disgust. You say to them:
(a) "It would be better if they were naked and indulging in a filthy sex act. Maybe with people watching and getting sweaty and getting off it."
(b) "It is beautiful, no matter what you say. Your words can't bring them down."
(c) "That just makes them learn a little bit faster, makes their skin a little bit thicker, and makes them that much smarter."
(d) "So what---am I not supposed to have an opinion? Should I be quiet just becauseI'm a woman?"
(e) "It would be better if Madonna was in the middle."
You're getting ready for a night out. You...
(a) Retrieve the special clothes you put under your bed and put them on. They include crotchless chaps.
(b) Take off all your makeup, scrape your hair back and go au naturel--it doesn't matter what people say. It's what's inside that counts.
(c) Go to a fancy dress shop and demand something "like her out of Evanescence." Dye your hair black and wander towards the light.
(d) Get your Argos gold jewelry collection out, bling yourself up and dance your way out of the house in a velour shorts outfit and sport socks. You're so street it hurts.
(e) Pop some breath freshener in your purse. Rumor has it that Madonna will be in the same club!
Hooray! It's karaoke time. Your performance...
(a) Is a sweaty, raunchy number involving various punk stylee pop songs. You get everyone to surround you and spary water in your direction to make you look sweaty. The barman is shocked however and bans you.
(b) Involving miming really badly with over-the-top hand gestures while sitting on a stool. If you remember, you will get up for the all-important middle-eight key change.
(c) Is based around smashing a phone box and gyrating around the room. You climb up onto the ceiling and impress everyone with the range of your voice. Someone says "Is that a moth on the ceiling?"
(d) Involves your best friend pretending to be Lil' Kim or Missy Elliot. You can't rap but they can.
(e) begins with you appearing behind a wedding cake and climaxes with you snogging Madonna.
Finally, sex is:
(a) Only worthwhile if people are watching, and toys and pain and Fred Durst are involved.
(b) The most normal and loveliest thing ever between two people who are in love and, even if they are ugly or like anorexic or something or even gay, they can still still be in love.
(c) Only good if the woman is in control.
(d) Brilliant, as long as it's with your boo.
(e) A book by Madonna
FINISHED? RIGHT, HOW DID YOU SCORE?
You're rumpo-happy Dirrty Christina!
You dirty thing! You like nothing more than slipping into your crotchless chaps and gyrating in front of an audience of greasy bodybuilders. Be careful. If you sweat too much, your clothes will fall off. You'd like that wouldn't you?
You're pensive, beautiful Christina!
You don't care what other people say. Their words can't bring you down. Whether you snog people of the same sex or Fred Durst, you're still beautiful. You make people realize that life is really worth living.
You're turning-into-a-moth Fighter Christina!
Your childhood neglect and ill treatment by exes have turned you from a scary goth moth to a beautiful butterly. You fight back in your own style--by dyeing your hair black and making yourself look minging.
You're Homegirl, Can't Hold Us Down Christina!
You think blinging gold jewelry is the classiest thing since Posh Spice. You're often starting street fights in your timeless campaign for women's rights and everyone in your hood knows about them.
Bloody Hell, you're snogging-Madonna Christina!!
You're not backwards in coming forward (whatever that means). Look! You're snogging blody Madonna and you're happy to share your lovers with rival pop princesses and rubbish British film directors!
Source: NME (UK)
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